Anti Pleasure

So I am the type of person that keeps up with the news, reading up on government and science every day but I just haven’t been in the mood. I said to myself that I wasn’t going to make this such a personal blog because I have a lot more readers than I did before… but hey. Transitions, transitions. I will still talk about copious amounts of different topics, but don’t mind if the next few days my entries seem a bit bleek.

I think having such a huge cyst, and my mental disorder really makes everying seem like a hurricane brewing up inside of me.

I think everyone has a mental disorder though, and it is up to you to try and control it, do something about it and stay in positive spirits. I’m sure some people want to throw flaming darts at me right now because I know a lot of people depend on medication… but I try not to because it messes with your personality.

So maybe this is what my entry will be about, medications. I don’t know if I have ever mentioned medications before… but I will now.

I have developed a social anxiety that has taken over me at times. When I am in public my mind starts to wander thinking I am going to get into a car accident, that when I get out of the car someone is going to come up to me and mug me or stab me… those are just extreme thoughts that I have day to day when I go out. Other times I think of silly things like “What am I going to say to this person? Should I say this? What will their reaction be?” I am constantly going over in my head what I will say to people, because my words always seem to come out jumbled… and it’s not what I was meant to say.

Blogging is such therapy at times.

So, about medications, I have told my doctor several times what thoughts I have and she just blames it on my hormones to do with my cyst, and the fact that I gain weight, so therefore, my doctor won’t medicate me. Fair enough, because I have gone over in my head what it would be like to be medicated… and I don’t want to have to depend on taking pills to cover up anxiety issues.

I guess I will see what happens after my surgery is done, until then, ugh… is all I have to say.

Well it’s been a little while since I have posted here, cannot really say I have been in the mood.

For the second time my surgery has been pushed back, because of a minor mistake from SEVERAL different nurses.

The hospital in my hometown is SO unjust, there is only one gynecologist in the city so that means he is the only one who is able to perform the type of labotomy surgery that I need done for a (LARGE) ovarian cyst. And also, I have gone in for pre-op to one nurse, everything was a go, and on November 25th a nurse asked me all these questions, drugged me up with the usuals before surgery and then I waited for SIX HOURS only to be sent home. Why? Because once again, one gynecologist in the city… and something had either gone wrong or gone on longer with a patient who most likely had cancer, or maybe she was having a baby, I don’t know… but he deals with delivering babies, cancer, problems with ovaries etc. 

Anyways… my surgery had been reschedule three weeks later, on December 16th. I received a call from the hospital on December 10th from some spacey nurse who didn’t seem to remember what she needed to ask me. Then I go in at 9 in the morning to the hospital, get drugged up again, asked questions like if I was on any medications and whatnot, I TOLD them that I took ib profen for pain and the nurse just nodded, “okay!” and sent me to a bed to “relax” before my surgery.

Now, my wife brought up to one of the nurses (because, I am researcher and I always look up things just to be on the safe side) she said, “she took ib profen the night before and we read on the internet that you could hemorage or that it wasn’t safe to have surgery the next day.”

Now I had gone through FOUR DIFFERENT NURSES since the 25th of November, all of them not telling me that you ARE NOT supposed to take ib profen ten days before your surgery! I have been taking ib profen non-stop obviously ten days before my surgery,  both times! 

All four nurses neglected to tell me that it was dangerous and really risky to be taking ib profen ten days before your surgery. IS THIS A LITTLE MISTAKE? NO! Because this little incident could have gotten me killed. I almost went to surgery but my wife had brought up the fact that I had been taking ib profen. 

It just makes me think, do these nurses even care? They are talking about going on strike, AND WHAT FOR? NONE OF YOU ARE DOING YOUR JOBS! You all sit around talking about your nails and your hair, or when you are going on break… you’re too busy to look after patients that could die because of a SIMPLE thing that you forgot to tell me, you halfwits! 

I am so angered by the nurses here. I am sure that some of them are working these 12 hour shifts and really deserve the extra pay, but most of you, I’m sorry, YOU DO NOT deserve a raise until you do your job.

I just can’t even believe it… my surgery being pushed back for the second time because nurses didn’t tell me this small factor. Thanks a lot, I have been out of work for months and months now and I just wanted this over with. The only bright side to this is that I don’t have to be in pain during the Christmas holidays… but at this point I am so angered, I don’t care, I just wanted the surgery done. How the nurses never even asked the question if I was taking certain medications every day makes me wonder who else has died or has had excessive bleeding in surgery that could lead to fatality.

UGH and ugh and ughhhhhhhhhh!

Damn hospitals and damn nurses.

So I can never bite my tongue when I sit down and my mom is watching Crossing Over with John Edward. I am the type of person who is very skeptical about a lot of seedy things that people believe in life. For me to believe certain ideas, occurrences etc. I have to at least experience it or see it to believe it. Know what I mean? Maybe I am not in touch with my “spiritual” side, but until I experience it, I won’t believe you if it has never happened in my life. Maybe I shouldn’t live my life like this, but I can’t help it. I just don’t believe anything silly that I see on TV or just because there is a photograph of some strange occurrence. 

I feel like we roam the earth not knowing anything, because we really don’t. Part of me wants to know or believe that when you die, your energy or “your soul” is carried elsewhere, to another dimension… or somewhere. But I don’t think we will know, until we are gone. 

Maybe I am very cynical and a skeptic about everything, but the only aspect of life that we know of, is that we are alive.

Anyways…

Back to my rant about John Edward. Do you really think all of it is real? I am sure they have to edit LOADS of what they have taped and then condense it into a half hour segment.  

If you don’t know who John Edward is… basically, he is a “physic” who does readings for people who have loved ones that passed away. Half of the time I am laughing my ass off because it seems like the people never know what he is talking about. Or he brings up random things that aren’t important. That’s what it seems like anyways. It just seems so weird to me that people believe this stuff.

I have read several articles on criticism and skepticism towards John Edward, saying that he does cold reading. Sure, he may know a few details about the people he is TRYING to do a reading for… but it seems like most of what he comes out with is bull. Cold reading is something that “physics” use to seem like they know more about the subject than they let on. 

From Wikipedia, “James Underdown of the Skeptical Inquirer attended a Crossing Over show in November 2002 and said “there were no indications of anyone I saw collecting information… none of his readings contained the kind of specific information that would raise an eyebrow of suspicion. … John Edward was a bad cold reader. He, too, struggled to get hits, and in one attempt shot off nearly forty guesses before finding any significant targets.”

Seems a little fishy, I’m sorry.

I would like to take this opportunity in my blog to write some kind words about my friend that has passed on, Patrick von Weiler.

My friend was diagnosed with cancer last year, he had a tumor inside of his mouth. The tumor made a bulge out of his cheek, but he kept a smile on his face whenever I managed to see him. It amazes me how positive he was about life and love, like he never felt like he was owed anything. And that is how people should be, don’t expect so much out of life, you make your own choices in life and whatever path you take, it’s your destiny.

I am upset that a disease has taken a friend from me. I am angry at the disease that has struck many people’s lives. I am sure everyone has witnessed a friend or family member who has encountered the disease. At times like these, it makes me wonder how these viruses have been created… and it needs to be ceased.

I think for the rest of my life, I will help support ALL cancer research and devote my time helping out in some way that I can.

This post is also dedicated to my wife’s mother who passed away four years ago, from bone cancer. At times my wife feels like she hasn’t been strong, but she has been the strongest she can be with me by her side.

There is not much else I can say but RIP to Patrick and Melanie (Kerri’s mother) a part of me wants to believe that you are in a better place, of higher consciousness and I hope that you are both at peace. 

All I have to say is that I have mixed feelings for Irvine Welsh! I wish I could think of one word for the books that he portrays, but there is NO words.

Has anyone ever tried to read his books? I have read Trainspotting and I just finished “Ecstasy”. Now he usually writes in Scottish dialect and let me tell you, if you can’t take the few minutes to decipher each sentence, you’re sitting there thinking “what the heck did this person say? AND WHO is talking?”

I can usually get through his books really quickly because I’ve picked up what the slang words are.

Trainspotting is definitely one of my favorite movies ever made, but sometimes the book by Irvine Welsh is hard to get through. The book and movie both deal with how heavy the heroine habit can get and it’s written AMAZINGLY.

Ecstasy is just a jumbled mess I think. But it gave me some giggles. Most of the stories have a slab of dark humor thrown in with the most bizarre and grotesque contemporary writing I have EVER seen! Ecstasy has unconnected novellas, the last story in the book is probably my favorite one about Lloyd and then it flips back to Heather’s story… these two character’s stories are told separately. How Irvine describes some of the predicaments drug users get into, and what happens on the come downs, or first times… it’s just so comical yet, true, the way he described it.

I won’t get into what the first two stories are about, you may just have to read that yourself! Haha.

I do love anyone unique and Irvine Welsh is DEFINITELY unique. I don’t know if I can handle another one of his books for a wile though! lol

It is interesting to see what he comes out with because he spends his time in Scotland, England and Holland. So I can just imagine where he gets his inspiration from.

Kudos for keeping my entertained mr. Welsh! According to Wikipedia, Welsh has been on reading tours all around the world, and is involved with DJing, promoting and he is a producer as well. *thumbs up* You certainly are original.

Carina Nebula - breathtaking I think! Nebulae are basically stars in their first stages. So you see the formation of dust clouds, plasma and hydrogen gas (which makes our stars!) so these are interstellar clouds. So pretty.

Sagittarius constellation - this is my wifey’s constellation and it this constellation has the most planetary host stars with 14 stars having planets. <3

Leo constellation - this is MY star sign but unfortunately I could not find a very good picture of my constellation. It does have the Wolf 359 which is one of the nearest stars to the Earth only 7.7 light years away I thought that was pretty neat.

M83 galaxy - this is a spiral galaxy and I always look at this picture because one of my favorite bands is called, M83, obviously named after this galaxy.  This galaxy is… 15 million light years away, YIKES! It is one of the oldest discovered galaxies, 1752 by Nicolas de Lacaille.

Orion nebula - this is one of my favoriteeeee nebulae! It’s like abstract art in the sky. You know, I love these pictures so much because it’s astonishing that all of these pictures… are in our universe, and they’re so beautiful. You can visibly see this nebula from a telescope, it’s one of the brightest in the sky and it’s located in the constellation of Orion’s belt.

So I guess everything will be on hold until January 26th for a vote for the coalition. I don’t know why, but on Yahoo! Canada news it says (and this is just from Ipsos, a survey company, a few thousand people? Big deal they don’t represent ALL of Canada!) that Harper will have the lead and may have a majority government.

We’ll see.

Pretty sure if Canadians get off their arses and make their opinions known, we will overthrow Harper.

I cannot understand the way Canadians think… you honestly think a plan for the economy, that will make the rest of the parties bankrupt, is a good thing? Geez.

Anyways…

“Harper’s Conservatives would take a whopping 46 percent of the vote, more than enough to transform his minority in Parliament into a strong majority. In the October 14 election they received 37.6 percent of the vote.” From Yahoo! Canada news. Where the heck are you getting this?

And Harper also had a dig at the other parties, an attack, on what he called “a coalition driven by separatists and socialists, and public opinion swung his way.” Also from Yahoo! Canada news.

I guess we will see what happens on January 26th, when Harper releases the budget plan for the crisis.  

Okay, I am all for this coalition… but at the same time I am very weary because of the Bloc being part of it. People have to realize, most of them are separatists and do not even want to be a part of our country, it’s true, we know this! But to get Harper out of power, he is really hanging on with a loose thread you see… so here’s what you can do, if you loathe our current prime minister as much as I do, this is how you can help:

Sign up for the facebook group, supporting the coalition. Be a part of the 62% majority, we as Canadians, as firm believers of NDP or Liberal, please let us be part of the majority and overthrow the conservatives! The link is:

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=37994407715

There is already over 22,000 Canadian supporters, so come on people, JOIN! The 62% majority represents the people who DID NOT vote for Stephen Harper.

And another way to help out, actually sign the petition:
http://www.62percentmajority.ca/action/yourvoice

A lot of people think this is a way for the other parties to “bully” the conservatives, PUH-LEASE! Does the rest of Canada not count? Why should we all have to put up with Harper’s BS? I know I don’t want to.

You can also attend rallies in your area. Unfortunately there is not one in my town, but there is of course some rallies going on in Moncton, NB and Halifax, NS.

This… is going to be interesting.

This really isn’t an important blog post, I just had to get something off my chest.

It seems like when you have a hurdle of emotional setbacks, it all comes plunging in at once. Things can stay so placid for a long time, you smile, grin and bear it and things seem to go just fine. Then all of a sudden, BOOM! Out of no where, bad things happen all at once.

I have not logged in for a couple of days because I haven’t been feeling like myself.

I guess the best way to deal with strife or overcome obstacles… well, just weed out the negative energy and focus on the positive side.

I am alive, I feel like I was lucky enough to have been born and I am experiencing the world (not to the fullest right now, but that will come in time) and learning new things each day and that keeps me focused on my aspirations.

That’s all I have to say for today. I will be back tomorrow to inform you all of the subjects that I have learned.

Later!